And The Machine is Bleeding to Death.

Pacing in Circles

Hard to Breathe

The Thought of Never Seeing You Again

Makes Me Sick

But I Have a Feeling

It'll Be For The Better

Not Seeing You For Months

Its Hard

But Really What Have You Done For Me?

You've Hurt Me

And You Continue To Hurt Me

Every Single Day.

Hard to Breathe

Pacing in Circles.

Thats What I Say, No Way

Oh here we go again with is Blogspot ordeal

So I've decided that I'm going to write one of these things once a week

Just because writing on everyday is a little to much

I mean think about it the more i write on this thing the smaller they get

so compiling them all into one continuous thought equals a longer more interesting blog

So its Sunday, June 27

and its a really relaxing time in the Big Greasy

other than i still haven't found a job

and i have about a buck twenty five in my bank

so I'm broke lol

and to top it all off that shit dick BP Oil thing its still spiting oil into the gulf

and apparently its pushing out, if not harder; just as hard as it was when it first happened...

THAT'S BAD

shit we can't even get some more trash and fucking golf balls back down there

Ah don't you love the American Government

any and every time New Orleans is in trouble

let it be a hurricane or an oil spill

(which effects America a lot harder because over 50% of the seafood you put in your mouth comes from the New Orleans area)

the government takes for fucking ever to do something about it

"Fuck those Fucking Fucks" to quote John Goodman in Treme

So for those that read this blog

and send me Facebook messages

Hi, I'm glad you enjoy my blogs lol i told you they'd get brighter

And the Courtney situation is good :)

I cant wait till she comes down

Ok well that's all for now

One Love

Choking on the Ashes of Our Enemy

Feeling better

I decide to write a blog

freaking out over penile bullshit wore me out

I look back on this whole situations and realize

my whole life doesn't revolve around her

and her life doesn't revolve around me

talking to her today was hard

from lashing out in the beginning

to realizing that I was being an idiot over nothing

to telling her I love her

today has been an emotional roller-coaster

but all in all its been a damn good day

woke up

smoked a cig

went to Johnie's Po-Boys

ate lunch on the river

got caught in the rain

then came home

went to Anvie around 6 to put in an application for employment

walked around the French Quarter for a quick minute

came home

I started drawing again today

it was like a breath of fresh air

idk really I guess it is for some at least

I think I'm done here

I swear they get shorter and shorter the more i write on this thing

One Love

i dont remember when i originally wrote this.

an old blog i found on my computer that i never published......

not meant to hurt anyone.

thought if i wrote it

it needs to be on here

isn't that the point of this shit.....

i wish my fingers could type or i'd right a new blog other than putting one up that i never

published .....

i dont really remember why i didn't put it up.....

--------------------------------------------------

when you've fully indused yourself

and you brain slows to make right of a situation

you realize what you've become....

selfish,

full of unwanted emotion,

heart-broken,

foolish,

your mind freezes to think of more

and you stop

and realize

the fact that i am all of these things

i am also

Blake Calhoun Cooler

who has lived 15 years of his life without these feelings for you

but at the same time

the fact that the three years I've known you

has even come close to the 15 prier years

you most have been important....

knowing that this is a very melancholy statement

you must give me a chance to explain

going from talking to someone everyday, shit any chance i had

and seeing someone frequently through the week,

to not seeing you at all

and only communicating through text message

is hard but i'll get by

but being scared of the day i lose touch forever

the fact that the more days i dont talk to you

brings me closer to that conclusion.....

and fuck if this is only day two and my mind races like this

think of day 3

Blown down, just trying to get UP.

so today

well today was kinda unentertaining

but at the same time fun

i woke up

got up and just chilled with my brother

watched Treme

which was the final episode

and now I'm sitting on my couch

attempting to write a blog

to be dead honest

I'm having a shitty day

not because of anyone really

or what I did

I just feel as if I've been forgotten and

that shouldn't really bother me

but it does

as many times I've said I shouldn't beat myself

i seriously can't help it

Idk its been two days since I've talked to her

i should get used to it

it doesn't seem like that's gonna change

lol fuck i hate emotions

I'm sorry if these blogs get unbearably emo

definitely not what I'm going for that

its just hard to talk to someone everyday

then in the drop of a dime

someone not having time for you

it seems like I'm over exaggerating but that just how I feel

Baby if you read this

It hurts more to be ignored

Then if you were to tell me straight up

"Fuck Off"

if i counts for anything to you

I Miss You.

And the Worms, They Dig into his Brain.

Sadly I've discovered that these blogs that run from my mind to my fingers

tend to be really depressing

and I don't know

it just seems that the happiness has left the part of me that writes to a non-speaking, non-judgemental audience

and that's no bueno my friends

the fact that I'm in New Orleans shouldn't be ruined because

i left a girl that doesn't seem to care to much if I'm there or not

worried about our different lives I think I'd be better to....

lose contact for a while?

The more I think about her the more I beat myself up

but

on the other end the more I think about it I've been the one trying to keep contact

the only one that texts first

calls when necessary

ect.

So this is my plan not to contact her at all

and see how long it takes for her to realize that I'm done putting in 85% of the work

to keep her in my life when it doesn't even seem as if she wants me in hers .....

I'm done here.

One Love

distant thoughts

I sit here in my house

with these thoughts that seem to consume my mind

and I have these thoughts that consume my mind about something I can not control

something I've never been able to control

after everything we've been through

I shouldn't think like this or should I

the history between us has depth

ups that I love

and downs that still to this day make my stomach churn with pain

and should I even be thinking these thoughts that consume my brain

....I am the one that left.

So here we go, new place, new blog

Sitting on my couch, I've embarked in an adventure I haven't gone down in a long time

Pouring my emotions into my keyboard and telling the Internet how my life is going

Oh it may get moody.....

Are you ready?

I'll start in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina.

It's 48 hours before I leave for "Real Life"

and only 5 hours from the one thing I have to go through before real life starts,

Graduation.

Which is a great thing and all I was just nervous i take it but anyway

its hits me

i have to leave from the safety net of my mother,

i have to leave my friends; who are all really awesome and how have gotten me through some tough times in my life, AND

i take this one the worst of all....

i had to leave Courtney

now if you are one of the people that followed my old blogs you'd know that when i came down to me and Courtney the only person i could talk to was the Internet

seeing as how I'd turn to my mother and she's no help to shit like that cause she's .... idk

and when i turned to my friends they all had some negative thing to say about her

which granted Courtney wasn't perfect, I loved her....shit. I still love her

and i really didn't care for listening to someone if they're bashing someone close to me so

normally if there was a problem i vented it to the Internet for anyone to read.

(Thatsrightblakesaidit.blogspot.com) that the old blog URL if you care enough to read past posts.

so with all that rushing through my head

i swiftly chug some "sweet tea" and start getting ready.

the time has come for me to get in my broke ass jeep and head toward the school

we're all funneled into an aux. gym.

we sit through speeches and other bullshit

and we get our diplomas

afterwards I'm greeted by my grandma, my mom and my brother who were the three people aloud in the gym on a count of rain

(even though i didn't rain)

and so we go through and i see a bunch of people i haven't seen in a while and....now that i think about it is prolly the last time ill ever see some of those people..... whatever.

and we head toward that car

we get back to my moms house and the party begins....

to make a long story short we got demolished

ate pizza

and passed out

The next day begins with a crisp headache and glass of orange juice

its about 2 o'clock and i have made plans to chill with Courtney for the last time

i think we planned for me to pick her up at 5

and i brought her back to my moms house to meet my grandma(casually), Uncle Vic, Aunt Janet, Charles, and Rachel (Charles' women)

everyone loved her and after already pushing her curfew to 8

i had to take her home for the last time

i was a wreck....shit I'm still kind of a wreck

as i pulled into Point Comfort

and whipped my beat up jeep in her drive way

i kissed her and told her i loved her for the last time (in person) for a while

and that all depends on if she comes to NOLA

apparently I'm not aloud to go to BAMA via my brother

the rest of my night consisted of drinking heavily and not sleeping for the ride in the morning.

around 2:30am my boy Mike calls

we decide to have one last smoke out before i leave

Mike and Sam get to my house around 3 and leave around 3:30am

2 hours later

people start getting up for the long trek ahead

we have a 700 mile journey to New Orleans

a.k.a my new home

so now after all that shit I'm here and i really don't know what to do with myself

i had thought i had a job and one of my favorite bars, The Jimani

but there was no real schedule and

as i worked my ass off from 10pm to 8am cooking food for the drunk assholes that sat at the brass bar

the Chach training my sat at the end of the bar smoking ciggs and drinking for 10 hours

AND he's the one that got the tips and shift pay

i accumulated nothing for 10 hours of work

I'm sorry if you're not gonna pay me for the work i did even if its shift pay id be fine with it but for me to waste two days of my life training for nothing, not one penny?

Fuck That.

idk i need to get into this more

it makes me feel better to vent to someone or something with no bias

one love